I seem to be running into very similar issues. I'm wondering if you ever got this solved on your end? If so, what did you do?
My S2S connections between openfire servers are secured, no issues.
jabber.org plainly fails, completely, similar error messages you get in your log.
Another jabber server (jabber.at) works for me when I set it to optional, and just like you see, I get inbound connections encrypted and outbound not encrypted.
Connectivity to google.com (for GTalk) doesn't encrypt either direction for me.